They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
