Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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