Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
