Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I think a kid would responsible me up
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
