lets start a swedish sibling band together
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
