remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
