well you can't waste a boner
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
