I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
