I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
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