and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
