My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
