you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
