i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
