New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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