I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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