New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
