OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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