Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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