I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
