i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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