Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
