mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I won't apologize to a one balled man
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
