Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
