somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
