I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
