I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
