This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
