I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
