____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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