I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
why do cheetos always look like penises
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
We are two peas in an std pod
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
