mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
