I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
