If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
