The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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