I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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