Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
