We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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