He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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