That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
