sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
