I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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