Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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