so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
