Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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