i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
