was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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