Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I puked a lego.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
