YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
