she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
