the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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